“Heartbeat” Bills Are A Gross 2019 Trend

NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE! We hate when we see a bad trend developing but have no way to stop it. Just this Tuesday we wrote about the trend of heartbeat bill being introduced in states like Kentucky (and Ohio last year) and then told you to check to see if there was one coming in your state.

Well guess what, we can add two more states to the abysmal list: South Carolina and Florida both have politicians who filed fetal heartbeat bills this week! In South Carolina 50 representatives are co-sponsoring the bill. Make no MISTAKE these bills are total and complete abortion bans. They’re dressed up in treacly language to make them appear more “humane” but they’re actually entirely cruel and despicable. ROE WAS DECIDED AND REAFFIRMED, GUYS! Stop trying to go backwards!

Speaking of going backwards, we’re paying special attention to SCOTUS today as they decide whether to hear the fetal burial case in Indiana. Real quick: this would require burial and cremation for all fetal remains… even miscarriages. Remember how we asked “Are they gonna start considering SPERMS and periods people too” and it was like… a big joke? NOT REALLY A JOKE NOW. Just disgusting, and CRUEL TO PEOPLE WHO ARE TRYING TO HAVE BABIES AND HAVE MISCARRIAGES TOO. That’s the thing here, these people pretend to care so much about pregnant women and babies, but…. They consistently throw them under the bus in their single-minded quest to shame.

So watch with us and keep your fingers crossed to see which way SCOTUS goes. If it’s bad, we’ll be seeing you in DC this spring!

LPJL Daily Takedown – July 28th, 2017

When We Say “We Won’t Go Back” This is the “Back” and it’s Terrifying

BACK IS NOT AN OPTION: For a horrifying look at what went on in those back alleys in the days before Roe v Wade, check out this chilling interview with a provider from those early days when abortion was available in only a few states. Desperate women were suffering and many were dying in unspeakable ways. The impetus to legalize came from clergy who had to deal with shattered lives, and doctors who had to deal with shattered bodies. That’s the nightmare scenario that crusades like those being held in Texas, Missouri, Kentucky, and all over the country are leading us toward. And we can’t go back there.

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Sex, Drugs, and..What it Means for Getting an Abortion

THE PERFECT SHITSTORM—What happens when restrictive abortion policies meet the opioid epidemic? It’s not pretty for patients or providers, as this HuffPo piece about the situation in Alabama makes clear. As our good friend, heroic provider Dr. Willie Parker points out, opioid users tend to come for help later in their pregnancy because their addiction disrupts their cycles to the point they don’t know they’re pregnant. And many don’t have the money to pay for an abortion. Some patients have to be turned away because their addiction will nullify the use of pain relievers. What’s needed is compassion and common sense—two things in short supply among the conservative lawmakers in Alabama. 

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Talking White Male Privilege and a JumboTron..Nope Not a Baseball Game…Guess Again

PIG SCREEN: Hey, if you’re going to have a shit-show, why not have it in JUMBO-VISION! We have been writing all week about the lunatic members of Operation Save America, who have travelled from all over the country to spend this week shrieking at patients outside of KENTUCKY’s LAST CLINIC STANDING. Now they have upped their terror techniques by setting up a giant jumbotron to broadcast videos of abortion procedures in public spaces! Interested viewers can go downtown outside of Louisville’s Metro Hall where the Ghoul Theater is currently running. Downtown workers on a lunchbreak have no choice!
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 Once Again Texas Answers the Question “How Bad Could it Be?”

RECAPPING THE KNEECAPPING: Ever since conservative lawmakers in TEXAS went off on an anti-abortion rights bender a few years ago, they’ve done so much damage to women’s health that a brief recap is in order. Here’s a chilling one, courtesy of the New Yorker. Starting in 2011, Texas cut family-planning funds by two-thirds. In 2013, they banned Planned Parenthood from women’s health programs, costing the state MILLIONS in NINE-to-ONE federal funding grants. The upshot? Teen abortions and teen births are both on the rise in Texas, despite going down nationwide. The maternal mortality rate in Texas has DOUBLED to 35.8 deaths per 100,000—the worst in the developed world! And the Trump administration wants to do to the country what theocratic lunatics have done to Texas. We just turned back an assault on the ACA—KEEP FIGHTING! 

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#ExposeFakeClinics

Shout out to Reproaction for protesting at a fake clinic in Columbia, Missouri!

It’s a beautiful weekend to get riled up! Join us by going to exposefakeclinics.com and learn how to write a review and repost so that we can all upvote your review. Pro tip from the pros: your review has to be from an interactive experience, so call or check out the fake clinic’s website before you post!

#Exposefakeclinics has been working all over the country- let’s keep it up!

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Vagical Update

After 8 weeks, 15 cities, 18 clinic visits, 592 thank you postcards, hundreds of gold tattoos, and 4 real tattoos…the Vagical Mystery Tour came to an end..for now!

It’s hard to quantify all of the amazing experiences we had on tour. This was an experiment to see if we could get communities activated through comedy shows, and the experiment WORKED. You all signed up to be clinic escorts or sent thank you notes or committed to staying informed on the anti-choice bullsh*t going down in your state and we THANK YOU!

Stay vigilant, America…we’ll be back!

LPJL Daily Takedown – July 27th, 2017

Seems like winter is always coming for women of color when House of Douche is in power

HEALTH DISSERVICES: The looming Trumpian healthcare implosion threatens us all, but it threatens Women of Color more than most. They’ve gotten the shitty end of the stick forever—and now there’s even more shit on the end of that stick.  Over the past few years, health conditions for WOC had improved, but that’s going down the drain along with everything else touched by Trump. Brutal cuts to Medicaid under the GOP healthcare plans impact more Black and Hispanic women—they’re almost twice as likely to be insured by Medicaid. Repeal of Obamacare threatens minority women’s access to maternity coverage, contraception, and family planning. Defunding Planned Parenthood will deprive them of preventative care like cancer screenings. And the recent assault on abortion rights impacts Women of Color harder—they make up half of the women who live in states that lack abortion services for Medicaid enrollees. Help push back on behalf of everyone—RESIST & PERSIST! 

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Choose Your Own Abortion Restriction: Missouri Edition

MISSOURI’S ANTI-CHOICE AWFUL CHOICE: Missouri, which is currently holding an anti-abortion orgy in the form of a special session of the legislature, may soon try to send some of its toxic waste to Washington. Anti-woman crusader and current MO Attorney General Josh Hawley is making noises that he’ll run for the US Senate seat now held by Dem Claire McCaskill. As an anti-abortion fanatic, Hawley manages to stand out even in a nuthouse like MISSOURI Republican politics. He said last year that “abortion is not a right. It is a violent act against the defenseless. It violates every principle of morality and should be barred by American law.” And he has vowed to use his AG post to crush the only clinic in the state and to support the FAKE crisis pregnancy centers that infest Missouri. Josh Hawley is one of the reasons Missouri is in the mess it’s in. 

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That time when your anti-abortion friend has no chill and can’t keep a secret

NO MO! And speaking of MISSOURI, it’s already the biggest sinkhole for abortion rights this side of Texas, and it’s determined to suck harder. As part of their Special Session of the Damned, MO legislators have just passed a law that requires people seeking an abortion to have a meeting with the doctor performing the procedure as part of the waiting period, it imposes unannounced inspections on clinics, and requires that ALL fetal tissue be sent to a pathologist. Oh, and it lets MO’s nutcase Attorney General (see above!) go after abortion providers regardless of whether local authorities want that. WOW. Can Texas lawmakers hold onto their title of Most Hateful to Women? To be continued…! 

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Women in Texas may have to start becoming future-seeing pre-cogs to get insurance for abortion now

EXTRA BAD: Nope, TEXAS can always create a bigger mess! The Texas Senate is working on a bill that would force people to get separate health coverage for abortion services and pay a separate, extra premium. Seriously! “Honey, did you pay the abortion insurance premium?” HELLO! People don’t anticipate the need for abortions—hence the need for abortions!! And of course this bill has no exceptions for fetal abnormality, rape, or incest. So a person has to have the foresight to realize in advance “I better get that abortion coverage, in case Dad rapes me.” That’s not the real world—that’s Texas politics! 

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No one ever said terrifying sidewalk bullies weren’t morning people!

THE EARLY TURDS: Ever wonder how hateful bigots start their day? Here’s a piece from ThinkProgress about how the bully crew that harass and intimidate patients at KENTUCKY’s last remaining clinic spend their mornings. Unfortunately, the piece focuses mainly on what it looks like when Operation Save America descends on Louisville to torment clinics with their weeklong shriek-fest. What is doubly fucked is that even without the OSA invasion, the clinic is STILL assaulted by hundreds of local zealots… and the court-imposed buffer zone that keeps it all from swamping the patients is only in place during the OSA invasion which ends this weekend. Problem is, this clinic needs a permanent buffer because the assaults WILL continue. The state only granted the buffer zone this week because the world is watching. Let them know we’re still watching—and give the clinic a PERMANENT BUFFER! 

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#ExposeFakeClinics

For the final #ExposeFakeClinics Week of Action day, NARAL Ohio organized not one – but TWO protests in the Buckeye State. Watch their FB live here! These Fake Clinics aren’t going to expose themselves (or are they?), so we have to keep fighting! Save exposefakeclinics.com on your browser, and keep writing (and upvoting) those accurate reviews and share the links on social media so we can all click and upvote! You can actually make a difference one click at a time!

 

LPJL Daily Takedown – July 17th, 2017

The Reality of Those Super Fun “Vacation Abortions” Republicans Are Always Talking About

“MY LAST RESORT” is NOT about a VACATION! Anti-choice zealots love to talk about the supposed “vacation abortions” that women are getting when they are FORCED to travel to get vital medical care. As this article explains, every year about 3,000 women have to come to Illinois to get abortion care because their home states make access virtually impossible. And those are the ones who are lucky enough to have the means to take off work and travel! People need access to affordable abortion care in their own communities. One of the many stories in this article is about regret. Regret is part of any choice… or lack of choice. We can’t let extremists frame regret as a reason to deny people the freedom to choose.

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Teen Pregnancy Is at It’s Lowest”- America, “Hold My Beer”- Trump

PERMANENT ABSTAIN: God only knows how many unplanned pregnancies the suddenly pious Donald Trump has caused in his repulsive past, but he’s determined to cause millions more—and now to America’s teens! This Day-Glo Disaster wants to cut over $200 million in funding for teen pregnancy prevention programs at the same time that he’s throwing $277 million at ABSTINENCE ONLY programs! Look, if anything can get people to swear off sex, it’s the thought of Donald Trump—but abstinence STILL doesn’t work!

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We Don’t Need A Crystal Ball to See What Defunding Looks Like…We Have Texas!

CAUTIONARY FAIL! Texas conservatives, always at the forefront of any shitty idea, are now a cautionary tale about what happens when you defund Planned Parenthood, slash funding for family planning, and close 80 clinics. SURPRISE! You get more teen pregnancies… AND more abortions! The rate of teen births in Texas is up 3.4%, even as it’s falling in states with less medieval methods. A study estimates there have been 2,200 unplanned pregnancies because of the actions. Oh, and two years after the funding cuts, Texas abortion rates are up 4.9%. Thanks to former Gov. Rick Perry and conservative lawmakers, Texas is a mess!

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Schools Out For Summer…Or Forever for Wisconsin OBGYNs

TRAINING WRECK: A new Republican bill in Wisconsin attacks abortion access by blocking the University of Wisconsin-Madison from training resident doctors in how to perform abortions. Of course that leads to a fucking domino-of-dickdom effect in which UW-Madison loses its accreditation for OB-GYN training, and OB-GYN’s-in-training leave the state. 20 of 72 counties in Wisconsin are already without an OB-GYN! The author of the bill hates the fact that Planned Parenthood pays UW doctors to train OB-GYN residents at local clinics… but of course they HAVE TO because Wisconsin law prohibits any state money from going toward anything remotely abortion. So this law makes it illegal for UW docs to train residents anywhere except at a hospital… where it’s against the existing law. And then it all causes the UW to lose their OB-GYN accreditation, and gynecologists flee the state. Who knew a cheese-head could come up with such a diabolical plan?

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Blessed Motherf*ckin Be, Iowa’s Fight Against Insane Undue Burden Laws Start Today

LONG 3-DAYS’ JOURNEY INTO NIGHTMARE: Today marks the start of court hearings to see if Iowa’s new 3-day waiting period for an abortion is constitutional. These waiting periods are used to deter people from exercising their abortion rights—and they’re devastatingly effective in rural states like Iowa where patients have to travel long distances for multiple appointments. Don’t let Iowa get away with forcing people to wait for their rights.  Reproductive justice delayed is reproductive justice denied!

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VAGICAL UPDATE!

NEXT UP- PITTSBURGH! We said goodbye to the wonderful Cleveland and arrived last night in PITTSBURGH ready for some action! Check Us out on City Paper’s Short List, so If you’re in town, get your ass down to  Mr. Smalls Funhouse on Wednesday July 19th! Doors at 7pm!

We pull out of Pittsburgh, and head off to Louisville for our LAST SHOW of the Vagical Mystery Tour on Saturday July 22nd. If you are in Louisville, join us for some bourbon and some Bevin Ball Bustin’!!  Get your tickets here!!

Stay tuned for more fun updates!

The LPJL Daily Takedown – 5/23/17

Catholics Challenge St. Louis’ ‘Abortion Sanctuary’ Law (US News/Associated Press)

In Missouri, “Show Me State” anti-choice zealots are busy showing everyone what assholes they are. A group of St. Louis Catholics are suing the city over an ordinance that prohibits discrimination against people who have had an abortion, or who use contraceptives, or who get pregnant outside of marriage–or what most of us just call “PEOPLE”!!! These St. Louis arch-fiends want the “religious freedom” to throw you out of your apartment for using condoms!

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Trump’s Abortion Policy Isn’t About Morality – It’s Coercion (Rolling Stone)

The Trump administration’s fuck-nuts expansion of the global “make-me-gag” rule now forces the right’s anti-abortion crap down INTERNATIONAL women’s throats. And of course, it’s the most exposed throats–the throats of poor women around the world. Just like with TRAP laws in the US–they can’t fool you into thinking abortion is wrong, so they’ll just make it unavailable.

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Right-wing attacks on Planned Parenthood are working: Clinics close in Iowa, cutting off low-income women from services (Salon)

Conserva-twits in Iowa have found their own ways of getting around last year’s Supreme Court decision that supposedly safeguarded abortion rights. These Corn-holes have a law that prohibits Medicaid patients from getting even non-abortion services from any clinic that offers abortion. 4 out of 12 Planned Parenthood clinics in Iowa have been forced to close, and that’s Plain Wrong.

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The Last Clinics (Vice)

Seven states (SEVEN!) have only one abortion provider left. Not only are anti-choice creeps bad at science, their sense of Geography is as bad as the acting in a popular 90s soap opera.

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Pregnant at 18. Hailed by Abortion Foes. Punished by Christian School. (NYT)

Thanks for deciding to have your baby–now get out! 

What do you get when you get into bed with anti-choice Christian hypocrites? YOU GET FUCKED! That’s what an unfortunate Christian School student in Maryland learned after she got pregnant. She went along with the doctrine of the school and didn’t pursue her right to an abortion. So as a punk-ass “thank you,” the school kicked her off the student council and barred her from graduation ceremonies. These “pro-life” dicks are shaming the very people they browbeat into believing their crap!

The F.A.C.E Don’t Wanna Hear It.

ICYMI: This past saturday,  Ten anti abortion extremists were arrested in Louisville KY, outside the last remaining abortion clinic in that state.

Apparently, these “nothin-better- to-dos” think accessing an abortion should be more like “Ultimate Beastmaster” than just… idk… walking in a clinic on time for your appointment.  

Why do I know all of this? Because it was plastered all over CNN and MSNBC? Yeah, Right. Nope, I know it because I was there, volunteering as an escort at the clinic and it was batshit so I wanted to give you an idea of what the day was like and let you know how YOU can help.
NOTE: All of the statements, opinions, comments, typed sequences of letters that form words are my own. I do NOT represent or speak for the EMW escorts or the clinic.

By 6:00 am horrible protesters had already begun to gather. By about 7:30 the sidewalk was lined with roughly 100 of them, carrying massive signs of medically inaccurate, shame-y information and images. The roughly 30-40 escorts were also getting in place too, trying to hold space around the entrance. And all of us were being subjected to the super christian-y prayer music blaring from the speakers they had set up right outside the clinic doors.

The clinic opens at 8:00am and things are non-stop until all of the patients are settled in the clinic which is generally about 9:30am. We got the word that the doors were open so a fellow escort and I began walking a woman from her car to the clinic. As we approached we noticed that the crowd wasn’t really paying attention to us. It looked more like a mass of crazy fans trying to snap a pic of the cast of Hamilton leaving the backdoor of the theatre.

Once we got close, we realized that a group of protesters had crossed the property line and were sitting, physically blocking the entrance to the clinic.

The frustrating part was that, we ended up cornered by the door having to watch as the police handled the situation. While this was happening, two other escorts and I were forming a wall between the patient and the madness.


Eventually it did happen and they carted off ten protesters and NO APPOINTMENTS were missed.

The entire time I couldn’t help but think how the officers were completely misplaced in being respectful to these people breaking the law when the person behind me is the one being denied access to their totally LEGAL HUMAN RIGHT! Not once did any of the eight officers acknowledge the patient as we stood there for what felt like the longest ten minutes of my life.

Eventually it did happen and they carted off ten protesters and no appointments were missed.

Hear that? Talk to the hand cause the F.A.C.E. don’t wanna hear it.

That’s F.A.C.E as in the Freedom of Access to Clinic Entrances Act which was signed in 1994 by President Bill Clinton after violence against abortion providers and reproductive healthcare facilities began to spike.

Which if you want to understand real domestic terrorism you’ll take a gander at the The National Abortion Federation’s tally of all the reported violence against abortion providers.

The scary part here is that this isn’t the end. These people are holding their super FUN-damentally fucked up national convention outside the clinic from July 22-29th. Over 5,000 people have been invited to make the trip and join in on the harassment.

Let’s do the math-  Of all the people that click “attending” on your Facebook invites, how many actually show up? Even if only 10% attend, that means things could be even more batshit than last weekend.

There are so many ways to support this movement. You can become an abortion doula, volunteer for an abortion fund hotline, plan an event to benefit your local clinic, call your senator and tell them you support access, send postcards of support to providers or help fight stigma and shame by talking about abortion in your daily life.

For me, clinic escorting is probably the most rewarding. I love it. I think it feeds my soul. I’m tall and big and I think my body is built for it. Meaning, I can be the totally non-engaging bodyguard providing a source of comfort alongside a patient encountering protesters for the first time.

Luckily, the clinic has an amazing team of dedicated escorts that are out there every day. They are organized and fucking ready. These people rock. Some of the people on their team have been doing it for over 15 years. I am a measly little newbie. I’m so insanely honored that they have let me join them.

DONATE TO THEM! They need your support to be ready for this onslaught of extremists in July.

The anti’s incessant desire to shove their flagrant beliefs down the throats of others through shame and stigma is why I stand on the sidewalk and it’s one of the HUGE reasons Lady Parts Justice League is hitting the ground for two months this summer on our Vagical Mystery Tour, so we can help amazing escorts in 16 cities breath a little easier and work to grow their community support.

Join us along the way! We can put you to werk!

Un-Reality TV

If you’re looking for an escape from reality, check out how television treats abortion–because it has even less relationship to real life than Game of Thrones, Westworld, or Keeping Up with the Kardashians.

As shown in a recent study from the reproductive health research organization Advancing New Standards in Reproductive Health, abortions on TV result in serious complications 42.5% of the time. That’s more than 20 times the rate of health problems that occur during real life abortion procedures. And it gets even more unreal: 5% of abortion patients on TV die–6,850 times the actual mortality rate for abortion procedures!! In 80 abortion plots that aired between 2005 and 2016, four characters died. In the much-safer real world, 0.00073 percent of abortion patients die.

And yeah, we’re talking about fiction, we know. But these radically skewed numbers have consequences. As an article in Slate discussing the findings put it, “TV shows that turn a routine medical service into a life-threatening risk are shaping the way millions of Americans imagine a procedure they know very little about.”

For instance: a Vox poll showed that 68% of respondents disagreed that abortion is “very safe.” In fact, it’s safer than giving birth–but only 19% of people knew that. Only 9 percent know that abortion is safer than a colonoscopy.

In 2015, ABC’s Scandal broke the mold by showing Olivia Pope actually undergoing a routine and safe abortion procedure. But in real life, the drama around abortion involves the struggle to get one.

Despite the dangers of abortions in TV-land, actually getting an abortion on the small screen is a cakewalk compared to what people have to go through in real life. A study in Feminism & Psychology found that on TV, “obstacles to abortion access are shown as easily overcome.” TV shows routinely “communicate that abortion is relatively easy to access.” Tell that to residents of Kentucky, who are desperately fighting to keep their last abortion clinic open.

Help LPJL spread the facts about abortion, so that we can appreciate the fiction for what it is.

Matt Bevin’s Kentucky Abortion Derby

A federal judge has signed an order to keep Kentucky’s last remaining abortion clinic open until a lawsuit stopping the closure is resolved.

FUCK YA!!! This is a bit of good news bubbling up from a swamp of deplorables.

The Bluegrass State’s Governor, Matt Bevin, is the douchebag riding his anti-choice horse; attempting to shut down EMW Women’s Surgical Center in Louisville. His administration ordered the clinic to stop providing abortions starting April 3rd, claiming that it lacks proper licensing papers and hospital agreements for patient care in the event of a medical emergency. This “claim” for hospital agreements is just another T.R.A.P law – or – Targeted Regulation of Abortion Providers, which are unnecessary restrictions designed to make it impossible for abortion clinics to stay open. Lawmakers say it’s for the “health of the woman,” when it’s just a sneaky way of overturning Roe vs. Wade without actually overturning it.

The EMW Women’s Surgical Center decided to fight back and sued the state seeking an injunction against Bevin’s “blatantly unconstitutional” move. Brigitte Amiri, an ACLU attorney, applauded U.S. District Judge Greg Stivers for signing the order and said that doctors “shouldn’t have to go to court to ensure they can provide care.”

Friendly reminder: THIS IS THE ONLY ABORTION CLINIC LEFT IN KENTUCKY! This is a HUGE deal. If it closes, the state will have ZERO abortion providers and it “will have a devastating impact on Kentucky women” who will have no other options for abortion care.

Lady Parts Justice League is fighting back against anti-choice douchebags and touring around the country this summer on the first ever Vagical Mystery Tour! For eight straight weeks, starting in June, LPJL will travel to 15 states where there are terrifying laws restricting abortion access. There will be live LPJL comedy shows, activist workshops, and a whole lot of lovin’ doled out on independent abortion clinics. The last stop on the tour is in Louisville, where LPJL will support EMW Women’s Surgical Center in any way possible to fight Matt Bevin and his abortion derby!

You can help too by donating any spare change you have to the Vagical Mystery Tour! Let’s do this!! Giddy-up!