Ohio oh no-no

Oh Ohio, no, no, no, no. We could talk for hours about how frickin’ heartless these effing bills are, but let’s talk instead, because as they carelessly take away our reproductive rights we feel it is our right to stunt on them, about how RIDICULOUS these two anti-abortion laws passing together are.

So first up, we’ve got this “heartbeat” bill. And like, here’s the thing, we don’t by any means want to tell anti-choicers to stand by their convictions. They shouldn’t at all, they are terrible. But… how you gonna pass a “heartbeat” bill and then be like “heartbeat doesn’t really mean anything.” Because that’s what they effectively have done. With a transvaginal ultrasound “heartbeats” or “just the pulses in your body that indicate you are pregnant it’s obvs not a full-blown heart at this point, you monsters” can be detected as early as 6 weeks. With regular old ultrasounds it’s detectable a little later, at 8-10 weeks. Under this law you don’t need a transvaginal ultrasound. HOWEVER, ummm… there’s no way you’re gonna know you’re pregnant at 6 weeks unless you get a transvaginal ultrasound. And then once you do… well, then a “heartbeat” woulda been detected and you’re out of luck. So this law is basically “you can get an abortion as long as you have not checked if you are pregnant yet.” Or “just schedule that abortion the minute you miss your period to be safe.”

BUT THAT IS NOT WHERE THE STUPID ENDS! Because you see, OK, hmm, let us think of how to explain this one. So there’s ANOTHER law going to Kasich that bans “D&E abortions” which are only done in the … second trimester. I mean, first let’s just say: WHAT OTHER SAFEST MEDICAL PROCEDURE ARE FUCKING POLITICIANS VOTING TO OUTLAW? Like, it’s so outrageous to ban a … medical procedure. But anyway, we’ve been screaming that since forever. Now back to the dumbness, so a D&E abortion can only be done in the second trimester. So… if the “heartbeat” bill passes, it’ll effectively already make “D&E” abortions banned. So… why even bother? I mean, we guess the D&E ban is in case the heartbeat bill doesn’t pass. Still, we just want to reiterate: these people are so, so foolish. NARAL Pro-Choice Ohio has the full breakdown of how terrible both these laws are!

So what are we left to do: one, hope it snows and none of these Senators can get back from their holidays to vote if a veto happens. And TWO make sure a veto happens! Contact Governor Kasich and tell him to veto both bills:  (614) 466-3555 or message.

THESE are your experts??

It’s the year 2018 and we can’t believe this needs saying but: scientists know more than you about science. Yes, you probably took some science classes in school. Yes, you experience real-life science every day when you breathe in and out or go outside or digest food. Yes, maybe you’ve read a bunch of conspiracy blogs. But still, REAL FUCKING SCIENTISTS WHO HAVE GONE TO SCHOOL TO GET THEIR PHD AND MADE THIS THEIR LIFE KNOW MORE THAN YOU.

For example, read this article from Science magazine. We’ll wait.

Did you do it? Did you get through it? Did you give up halfway when you didn’t know a word and then go to Twitter? We wouldn’t judge you… because science is hard. But you know what science should not be: fucking political. All these scientists are trying to do is HELP and (oh yeah if you read the article you’d know why this relates to abortion but if not, cuz it was long, we’re getting there) a bunch of anti-choice zygote loving, fetus-obsessives are deciding to HALT the progress of science all because they think… we don’t know, that fetal tissue SHOULDN’T be used to better our society but SHOULD in fact  just go in the ground?!? And because of this we might not find a cure to HIV.

And we just can’t with this shit. You are not fucking scientists. Honestly, if this is about the dignity of the fetus, is there no greater good than helping other people and furthering society? Isn’t it, in fact, sort of beautiful that we can use fetal tissue to help save tons of people? To find cures? To move society forward?

And even if you don’t 100% feel that way… how are you going to argue that we SHOULDN’T find a cure to HIV?

AND SPEAKING OF EXPERTS! Let’s read this quote from a judge in Oklahoma saying there SHOULD be a 72-hour waiting period for abortions.

“After weighing the expert testimony offered by both parties, the court holds that HB 1409 furthers a valid and legitimate state interest in protecting the patient and that it does not unduly burden or place a substantial obstacle in the path of a woman’s right to choose.”

Oh dip, really???? REALLY???? You heard BOTH SIDES? The RIGHT side (our side) arguing there is NO SCIENTIFIC reason for this other to shame pregnant people and the OTHER side arguing that they’re HELPING people by making them go through needless bureaucracy… and you arrived at “IDK, seems fine.” REALLY?  What could possibly be valid about making people wait THREE DAYS to have an abortion? Here’s what happened here the judge listened to the doctors say there’s no reason for this and then she listened to… like some fools say “We’re trying to PROTECT women by making them just wait around forever.” And she listened to the fools.

Scientists and doctors are ACTIVELY (mostly) not fools. When they’re good, they’re supposed to be impartial. And… they know, there’s no reason to make people wait 72-hours other than cruelty.

Listen to the scientists.

TFW The Other Side Is Full of Straight-Up Embarrassments, At Best

We read the best headline in the world today that we need to share with you, friends. “Ben Shapiro is headlining the March for Life. As a pro-lifer, I think that’s a huge mistake.” LOL FOREVER. Imagine thinking your side is right and then being like “Well, except for this literal lunatic.” Sure there’s occasional infighting on our side but it’s all like “Hmm, WHEN should we give people a $15 minimum wage” or “Are there MORE rights we should be giving people.” We’re not like the ridiculous anti-choice zealots who have to be like “We have a moral high ground… now real quick though if everyone our side could stop committing hate crimes, that’d be great.” Read this great investigation by Rewire about just how much of a nightmare the other side is! If your PR is women with straight hair and center parts, but your base is a bunch of guys in stained tees burning crosses… you might want to rethink if you’re on the right side, you know.

So, speaking of all zygote-lovers being embarrassments, David Daledian (we refuse to spell his name right but the “I am a real journalist, not a big poser” guy who released those BS, disproven Planned Parenthood videos) is in the news again. Seems he wants the titles of researchers who work with fetal tissue. DEFINITELY NOT TO HARASS THEM! I mean, we can def trust the guy who’s repeatedly made it clear that he has an agenda, right??

And we just wanna cap this off with the most embarrassing thing of all. Which is that all this fetal tissue research was gonna go towards… helping to cure HIV. And instead of caring about real people… the other side AGAIN decided that a fetus was the most important thing and that the ABSTRACT concept of the “dignity” of a fetus, was more important than actually saving lives. That might be the most embarrassing thing at all.

I Get Knocked Down, But I Get Up Again

Today let’s talk about fucking striving. Because the truth is, amidst all this extremist nonsense that has been coming at us from all angles (like some kinda bad porno) this year, we’ve been fighting back!

Like in West Virginia, where the reproductive rights movement was just dealt a HUGE BLOW, because of a recently passed anti-abortion constitutional amendment. WITHOUT missing a frickin’ beat (like literally, taking no time to just be depressed) West Virginia Free calculated the amount of money they needed to cover medicaid abortions that wouldn’t be covered any more and they started fundraising (you can still donate here). Then they started to think of ways to enhance the birth control programs the state has and make them better. It’s like, man West Virginia activists, when do you sleep??

And in terms of the national nightmare that are these “abortion is allowed but only if you are not pregnant” laws: in Iowa the ACLU lawyers moved to get the ‘6-week abortion ban’ dismissed, and in Ohio tons of incredible protests showed up to tell legislators how shitty a 6-week ban would be, and now that vote is delayed too. Honestly, y’all, when do you SLEEP?

So look, sometimes life throw a billion lemons at you, but thanks to the great people out here making lemonade.

“We prefer not to make our patients aware of what we don’t offer.”

All this nonsense in Ohio has made this a ROUGH week! But good news, after some kickass, relentless work from our friends at NARAL Pro-Choice Ohio, the vote on the 6-week abortion ban has been delayed. Why don’t we go ahead an delay that bad boy forever, and get to work on some real stuff to help people, guys.

Speaking of 6-week bans, how’s that 6-week ban working out for you Iowa? Oh, the lawyers fighting you are asking for summary judgement? In case y’all don’t watch 10 hours of crime shows a day, real quick, let us, all certified lawyers cuz of the hours of crime shows we’ve watched, explain summary judgment. It’s basically the lawyer (in this case the GOOD lawyer) being like “Your case is so flimsy it doesn’t even warrant going to court.” And honestly, correct, it’s correct. Cuz a 6-week abortion ban is 100% against what Roe says is constitutional. We were gonna make a funny joke here about what it would be like (“creating a law that’s like ‘no free speech though,’” creating a law that’s like “But actually no ‘more perfect union.’”), but honestly, shitty people have made so many shitty laws… it’s not funny. The judge will decide on the summary judgment today, so this could all be over soon… except it obvs won’t be.

Which brings us to the Supreme Court and this very disheartening article about all the sneaky ways they could try to end Roe. Except, y’all, these fools are about as sneaky as the opposite of a fox. They’re about as sneaky as Chris Christie shutting down a beach for a family vacation. Like, this 6-week abortion ban is just so BLATANTLY an “all abortion ban” it’s… ridiculous. “You can get an abortion, but only when you are not pregnant.”

They’re as sneaky as… a Catholic hospital trying to hide their real agenda. Well actually… sadly, a Catholic hospital can be kinda sneaky. But they’re still pretty blatant. Take this great article from Rewire about how there’s no real testing done to see what happens AFTER a person is denied reproductive care at a Catholic hospital.

We just want to single out one particularly INFURIATING response from a hospital official “We prefer not to make our patients aware of what we don’t offer.” Oh dip? Really? Birth Control isn’t like… a risky, but innovative new procedure none of your doctors can perform. It’s BASIC HEALTHCARE. AND patients deserve to be aware that your hospital doesn’t provide basic healthcare.

Can’t believe we still have to say this.

“Real quick, this hospital doesn’t have beds… but we prefer not to tell people what we don’t have.”

It’s All Too Much: A Jaye McBride Guest Blog

Before I started working with Lady Parts Justice League, I assumed that new abortion laws were few and far between.  Maybe one year there would a law in Ohio, maybe the next year there would be one in Delaware but very rare and almost never anything major.  Like if computer put a red dot on the places with anti-choice legislation this year, it would be a tiny representation. Nope. That map would glow like a Lite-Brite.  Seriously, you’d think the entire country came down with poison ivy.

Here are a few, you tell me the time frame of these stories: A lawmaker in Oklahoma wants to classify abortion as felony homicide, a South Bend clinic was denied a permit by the state health department because it lacked ‘reputable and responsible character’, The Ohio Senate is voting on a bill that would ban abortion as early as 6 weeks and South Carolina lawmakers vowed to push for more abortion restriction in 2019.  You’d probably say ‘wow, busy year’.  That happened this week!

And this is the norm!  It’s not like there was a Black Friday sale on abortion haters so they all sprinted to their desks to be assholes.  And what’s worse, you would at least hope that these would be based in science and would usually benefit women because progress tends to go in one direction, right?  Nope. To these guys (and almost exclusively guys) science is soooo 2017 and God is 2019.

Well, we’re here to call them out and push back but we can’t do it alone.  I know there are tons or worthy charities out there but if you can, help us push by making a donation.  Thanks.


Ohio Needs Us Today

You know how there was that big news story last week about Ohio wanting to give people who have abortions the death penalty? Well, yeah, that was cuckoo bananas, but like any WTF thing it’s flame burned bright and then it was forgotten.

BUT there’s a HUGE BILL that is hideously anti-abortion that has ALREADY PASSED THE HOUSE and now is going to the Senate. Pro-choicers are fighting the good fight and speaking to the Senate Health committee today. AND we have a few things you can do EVEN IF YOU DON’T LIVE IN OHIO! Send an email to Ohio senator Larry Obhof here! And/or post a video of yourself on twitter saying why you think banning abortion at 6-weeks (a time most people don’t even know they’re pregnant) is truly monstrous! Use #StoptheBans (and tag us if you want a retweet). We’re gonna amplify the hard work of NARAL Pro-Choice Ohio ALL WEEK!

Let the Punishment Fit the “Crime”

Let’s talk about Crime and Punishment, not the book, don’t worry, there’s no test coming up. BUT LOOK- It’s no secret that in the world be live in, punishment for any number of “crimes” is completely arbitrary.

If you’re a white man, and you sexually assault a woman, your promising future as, well ANYTHING is DEEPLY considered. Now if you’re a woman who got a scholarship to Stanford, but forgot to take her birth control and wind up pregnant , your future is also DEEPLY considered- considered to be inconsequential so, SORRY WHORE YOU’RE STUCK WITH A BABY FOR LYFE! Men get to have potential, everyone else just has responsibility.

We know it’s just that time of year again (“that time” meaning, “all year whenever politicians are working”), when the TRAP laws come back into the Houses and Senates, but boy, are these newest batches disheartening. We’ve moved on from the “draw your sonogram from memory” TRAP laws to FULL-BLOWN “IF YOU HAVE AN ABORTION YOU STRAIGHT UP GET THE DEATH PENALTY.” Not a joke. See, in these Orcs’ minds, if you have a uterus you’re put on this planet to breed, so THAT is your future. If you’re a man who “makes a mistake” well… we’ve got to think about your PROMISING FUTURE as a regional manager at a Wendy’s, or a Supreme Court Justice.

These entitled “We believe all naughty abortion getters should be punished” stories are nothing new for the ,jerking-it-to-philosophers-but-not-really-getting-it-good ol’ boys at the Federalist. But today, they showed they care about equality, by publishing a “Yes, It Would Be Just To Punish Women For Aborting Their Babies” story from… a WOMAN.

Ugh, whenever we see straight ladies writing arguments for a bunch of men we just wanna be like “Look, he’s not gonna be good at sex anyway! DON’T TRY SO HARD!”

And if you think that was bad, for the second time in TWO YEARS, this Oklahoma politician like, is trying to pass a law that punishes people who have an abortion WITH LIFE IN PRISON! Real quick, how much time does the average rapist serve? Oh, none. Yeah your priorities seem real chill, Oklahoma.

And topping it off, Ohio politicians are trying to pass a law that punishes you BEFORE YOU COULD EVEN KNOW YOU WERE PREGNANT. Forever reminder that whatever doctor who told some anti-choice zygote lover that the one nerve you have at 6-weeks counts as a “heartbeat” … should be punished by having to hear an anti-choicer talk for eternity.

When we’re talking about punishments, that’s the only one we can get behind!