Daily Takedown

FUCKIN’ LIKE PILGRIMS

The first ever birth control app to be approved by the government is out (not our government, don’t worry we wouldn’t trust that either). The Natural Cycles app, made by physicist couple Elina Berglund and Raoul Scherwizl, has been approved by the European Commission and is ready to track your eggs.

A little background on what is essentially the rhythm method for those unfamiliar. Your body changes temperature when you’re ovulating. (I have always found myself to be more attractive, on top of my game and eyeballing strangers when I’m ovulating; it’s my body signaling me like ‘YO LET’S GET SOME!’) Women can track their temperature (and often changes in discharge) so they know when they’re ovulating. Then they don’t have unprotected sex during that time if they’re trying not to get pregnant. Also to be noted, sperm can live inside a uterus for close to a week (JUST LIKE ALIEN) so a person has to block out the time before ovulation as well. This is how pilgrims did it.

What Natural Cycles has factored in that the pilgrims did not have are all the circumstances that make it hard for women to keep track of themselves: irregular periods, sperm survival, temp fluctuations and more are added into the app algorithm. Natural Cycles monitors your stats and keeps your ovie calendar so you carry it around on your phone and know when you can and can’t raw dog it. It’s the first fertility monitor to be certified as a medical device.

The app boasts that when used correctly it is as effective as the pill. Which means that (again WHEN USED CORRECTLY) the failure rate is 7 out of every 100 women. This is for ‘typical use.’ The big factor, the ‘typical use’ quotient, is the user — are you the kind of person who will use it correctly? And that’s not a judgement, that is just a question to ask yourself. Will you not have unprotected sex during your ten possibly fertile days? Will you monitor your temp changes? I know for me personally, I would not be able to. I can’t even not eat dairy when I know it makes me poop weird. I just cannot be trusted when it comes to putting things inside myself.

If you are good at these things, and are looking for a birth control option that is non hormonal, this might be perfect for you! I asked my friends who track their cycles a couple of quick questions that may be helpful to everyone.

Are you taking your vagina temperature or mouth temperature? Straight up, I thought they meant pussy temp. But it’s not, it’s just a regular old stick it in your mouth thermometer. Too bad.

Is there is vaginal discharge flow chart? No one gave us a class in discharge — WHICH IS SUCH A MISSED OPPORTUNITY. I want a discharge seminar! So how do we find out what kind of yolk means what?! Besides getting together with your friends and comparing panties we found this wonderful article giving you some great and helpful juice descriptions.

Ideally we will have more and more birth control options for women AND men to try so everyone can find what works best for them (clearly this will not happen under out current ‘administration’). However the responsibility has always been placed on women and in a painfully ironic move her choices are then legislated and judged. So every new thing out there that allows women to make decisions for her own body is great! Big ups Natural Cycles! ALSO — it’s wonderful to say discharge and ovulate as much as possible so people know it’s nothing to be ashamed of! DISCHARGEEEEEEEEEEE!

All fired up and want somewhere to go?


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