Matt Bevin’s Kentucky Abortion Derby

A federal judge has signed an order to keep Kentucky’s last remaining abortion clinic open until a lawsuit stopping the closure is resolved.

FUCK YA!!! This is a bit of good news bubbling up from a swamp of deplorables.

The Bluegrass State’s Governor, Matt Bevin, is the douchebag riding his anti-choice horse; attempting to shut down EMW Women’s Surgical Center in Louisville. His administration ordered the clinic to stop providing abortions starting April 3rd, claiming that it lacks proper licensing papers and hospital agreements for patient care in the event of a medical emergency. This “claim” for hospital agreements is just another T.R.A.P law – or – Targeted Regulation of Abortion Providers, which are unnecessary restrictions designed to make it impossible for abortion clinics to stay open. Lawmakers say it’s for the “health of the woman,” when it’s just a sneaky way of overturning Roe vs. Wade without actually overturning it.

The EMW Women’s Surgical Center decided to fight back and sued the state seeking an injunction against Bevin’s “blatantly unconstitutional” move. Brigitte Amiri, an ACLU attorney, applauded U.S. District Judge Greg Stivers for signing the order and said that doctors “shouldn’t have to go to court to ensure they can provide care.”

Friendly reminder: THIS IS THE ONLY ABORTION CLINIC LEFT IN KENTUCKY! This is a HUGE deal. If it closes, the state will have ZERO abortion providers and it “will have a devastating impact on Kentucky women” who will have no other options for abortion care.

Lady Parts Justice League is fighting back against anti-choice douchebags and touring around the country this summer on the first ever Vagical Mystery Tour! For eight straight weeks, starting in June, LPJL will travel to 15 states where there are terrifying laws restricting abortion access. There will be live LPJL comedy shows, activist workshops, and a whole lot of lovin’ doled out on independent abortion clinics. The last stop on the tour is in Louisville, where LPJL will support EMW Women’s Surgical Center in any way possible to fight Matt Bevin and his abortion derby!

You can help too by donating any spare change you have to the Vagical Mystery Tour! Let’s do this!! Giddy-up!

Payback’s a B*tch

It’s Payback Time! Maryland has become the first state to pass a law to reimburse Planned Parenthood if Congress defunds them!  

It’s time for the remaining pockets of sanity in this country to do whatever they can to counter the shitstorm coming out of Washington. And Maryland is showing the way.

The Republican governor of Maryland allowed a bill to become law without his signature (it had passed with more than enough support to override his veto anyway). The bill pledges $2 million from Maryland’s Medicaid budget and $700,000 for the state’s general fund toward sustaining family planning services at Maryland’s nine Planned Parenthood centers. We’re talking about preventative care for some 25,000 patients.

And it’s not just Maryland. Nevada has a bill in the works to guarantee access to 12-month supplies of birth control. Other proposed legislation in Nevada would require that health insurance programs cover contraceptives at no extra expense. And Nevada has it’s own plan to provide alternate funding for organizations like Planned Parenthood. Progressive lawmakers in Oregon are working on a raft of similar measures.

We all know that the political landscape is a post-apocalyptic wasteland. We need to safeguard and expand those few oases of enlightened progressivism that survive.

The White House is in the tiny, groping hands of a tangerine-toned pussy grabber.  Virtually the entire federal government has been taken over by regressive trogs. The Supreme Court is in danger of being slowly turned into an old boys club of wrinkled repression. And God knows that most state governments are locked down by even creepier cretins. We need to work with what we have and concentrate on growing that.
The bizarrely un-ironic theme song of the Trumpies during the campaign was “You Can’t Always Get What You Want.” That’s fucking obvious at this point. But–working together wherever and whenever we can–we can still get what we need.

I Am Not My Brother’s Zookeeper

So what does abortion and the St. Louis Zoo have in common? Just wait…

In efforts to improve their infrastructure and conserve endangered species, the St. Louis Zoo has requested to boost their sales tax for visitors beyond city limits. In layman’s terms, the zoo wants to save some awesome animals and generate revenue that will contribute to the upkeep of its facilities.

No big deal, right? Unless of course you’re Missouri Senator and self-appointed ‘bill advertising’ aficionado Bob Onder.

Bob thinks the revenue expansion must occur under one condition – changing the name [of the zoo] to the “Midwest Abortion Sanctuary City Zoo.”

HOLY. FUCKING. HARAMBE. Someone had a big hearty bowl of CONFLATE-O’s for breakfast!

How much of an anti-choice douche must one be to hear “Hey let’s save the Zoo!” and think “Only if we call it the “WE HATE ABORTION” ZOO!?” That’s not a trick question, because the answer is “BIG MUCH.”

Politicians like Onder come up with some tragically creative ways to express their distaste for reproductive rights, and nonsensical comments like Onder’s are prime examples of why LPJL constantly works to keep abortion off of the endangered species list.

For Whom the Shill Trolls

Who is the MAGA-TROLL that every Trump-et from Kellyanne Conway to Don Jr have been gushing over for dragging Susan Rice into the “Don’t Talk About Trump & Russia” sideshow?

Mike Cernovich TROLL PEEN so cartoonish that he makes the Dreamworks Animation movie trolls look like the cast of The Expendables.   

Lil’ Mikey is the guy who made up “broke,” the “story” about Susan Rice supposedly unmasking people in the TrumpenKamp who somehow popped up in routine surveillance of the Russians. Kellyanne Conway gushed that a 60 Minutes interview with Cernovich is “a must-see ratings bonanza.” And Donald Trump, Jr. tweeted that “In a long gone time of unbiased journalism he’d win the Pulitzer, but not today!”

If Donny Junior’s “long gone time of unbiased journalism” refers to der Völkischer Beobachter, he’s right on. Mike Cernovich is what would happen if Steve Bannon and Alex Jones had a baby.

Before he gifted Donald Trump with the Susan Rice fantasy tale, Cernovich was notorious as the guy who virtually created and sustained the SickHillary meme–the constant drumbeat of fake stories and fabricated GIFs that claimed Hillary Clinton had everything from a stroke to Parkinson’s disease. Then he pushed the even more bizarre PizzaGate story that Hillary was part of a child sex slavery ring operating out of a Washington pizza parlor. WHERE IS THIS MAN’S PULITZER PRIZE?  

Cernovich believes “Conflict is Attention” and “Attention is Influence.” So he gains his influence by dropping attention-getting turds into the social media punchbowl. Here are just a few of his biggest droppings:

–Have you guys ever tried ‘raping’ a girl without using force? Try it. It’s basically impossible. Date rape does not exist.

–End result of feminism? Women are killing themselves and also overdosing on drugs and alcohol.

–Blacks use guns for murder. Whites use guns to kill themselves. You can’t talk “gun voilence” without defining terms, being honest.

–Feminism is collective action for ugly women.

–I went from libertarian to alt-right after realizing tolerance only went one way and diversity is code for white genocide.

But he’s not just talk! Cernovich was accused of rape in 2003. He got the charge dropped and ended up doing community service for misdemeanor battery. Since then he has confined his assaults on women to his books and blog postings.

If you’re wondering if he makes a living spewing this shit, the answer is that he doesn’t have to. You see, Lil’ Mikey’s first wife earned millions of dollars with a Silicon Valley IPO. Cernovich himself says that he got a divorce settlement worth “seven figures.”  Yep. Behind every angry troll peen is a woman whose success makes him the turd-tosser that he is.


AZ-Holes! Arizona’s Unjust Deserts

Arizona is turning up the heat on those who seek abortion services. And it’s doing it in a way that’s petty, pointless, mean, and that makes collateral damage out of people whose pregnancies develop fatal fetal anomalies.

The state has just passed a new law dictating what doctors must do in the case of a live birth during an abortion. In case you’re wondering how often that comes up, a rough estimate would be ONCE IN VIRTUALLY NEVER!

But the law does force abortion providers who are performing a procedure at or after the 20th week of pregnancy to have a boatload of neonatal emergency equipment and trained staff on hand. In other words, it’s nothing but a more insidious version of the TRAP laws that tried to shut down clinics by regulating everything from broom closets to shrubbery for landscaping.

And in the process of harassing abortion providers and their patients, the law also ends up forcing pointless and painful procedures to be taken during any live, early birth that’s medically induced–even in cases like anencephaly, where the fetus has no brain or cranium beyond the base of the skull. BECAUSE “LIFE.”  

Prior to this bogus law, Arizona, like most states, mandated that any baby “delivered alive” had to be cared for, but “delivered alive” wasn’t taken to mean infants with zero chance of survival. Under this new law, “delivered alive” includes any fetus exhibiting heartbeat, breath, umbilical cord pulsation, or any clear movement of voluntary muscles… none of which indicate fetal viability.

If there’s any question about the real intent of this law, just look at three other bills Arizona Governor Doug Ducey signed into law the same week as the “live birth” bill. They put restrictions on research on fetuses, deny state employees the option of making donations to Planned Parenthood through payroll deductions, and force doctors to use discontinued guidelines in the use of a drug used to induce miscarriages. The cynical live birth bill is just part of that assault.
Keep supporting LPJL to keep up with what the AZ-holes in every state are up to.

The Women’s Movement: No Shirt, No Shoes, No Cleta Mitchell

LPJL brings a special “Play of the Day” from the desk couch of Lizz Winstead!

I just read an article in The New York Times called, “No Room for Dissent in Women’s Movement Today”

Ugh. Now we can add The Times to the list of publications that have pushed the exhausted anti-choice trope, “I used to work in the women’s movement until I got comfortable, and now I blame feminism and abortion to justify my decision to check out after I Got Mine.”

To read an old chestnut like this in the NYT is doubly disheartening. To see the Times publish this sad trombone of a premise, without an original angle IS BAD ENOUGH. Worse than that, it is written by a second-wave feminist turned conservative D.C. Lawyer Cleta Mitchell – who conveniently avoids disclosing that 25 years ago, she chose to reinvent herself, becoming an extremist culture warrior who fights tirelessly against the rights of LGBTQ people, women and families. This piece reads like a diary entry about why her sexist and homophobic positions have not been welcomed with a big group hug by… well…women.

I couldn’t let her hypocritical missive go unchecked, so I decided to dissect her piece, section by section, to compare how her choice to start working against the women’s movement, might have something to do with her alienation from it.

Let’s start with answering the questions she poses in her very first sentence.

“Is there a “women’s movement” in 2017? What is it? Who is it?”

  • Yes, much to your quotation marked chagrin.
  • It is a movement working to clear old paths and create new paths to full equality and justice. Paths you have littered with obstacles when say, representing the NRA or The National Organization For Marriage

She kicks off the piece with a List of her pro-women bona fides… from 40 years ago…

  • Involved with the women’s movement in the early 1970s.
  • One of five founders of the Oklahoma Women’s Political Caucus.  
  • For over a decade worked to ratify the ERA.
  • Oklahoma state legislator, who supported Roe v. Wade.  

Notice no mention of her “not so pro-womany” work of the last 30 years…

We all know we still have no ERA, and abortion access is in the worst state it has been since Roe, and yet she weirdly goes on to claim women have it all. But the last line in this section will have you jabbing your equality fork into your eyes.

“Women got into the professions and the C-suites and the schools and the TV news anchor desks. We got there. We ARE there. “

Where- exactly– are we? Let this photo from last month’s Senate discussion of women’s health care serve as the cherry on her “We ARE there” cake.

Ma’am. Just because women have made strides, we are far from “there.” In fact, this article lays out some easily Google-able facts that diminish her “We practically live in a matriarchy now!!!” assessment of America.

I can only conclude that Cleta is confusing, “no room for dissent” with “no room for pretending the strides women have made on the whole mean equality, especially with the alarming lack of women of color in C-Suites and boardrooms.”

Maybe this woman’s movement just doesn’t see the term “equal” the same way Cleta does.  

And let’s just talk about the  “… and TV news anchor desks” line for a sec.

Yeah, that “equality” worked out well this year for all the Fox News “We ARE theres” who filed their House of Horrors class action lawsuit.

It’s extra jarring that she mentions the TV anchors then in THE VERY NEXT LINE, snarkily asks,

“So why, pray tell, were those women and girls wearing those ridiculous hats at the purposeless “women’s marches” in January?”

Cleta conveniently forgets those “ridiculous hats” were a response to the disgusting remarks made by then candidate Trump about women WORKING THOSE TV DESKS.  It was comments about a TV anchor, “bleeding from her wherever” and the disgusting statement made to Billy Bush, ON HIS WAY TO MEET A WOMAN REPORTER, declaring he has and will continue to grab the pussy of any woman he wants.

You see Cleta, getting there is a step, being respected while you are there is equality.

And as for the “purposeless women’s marches,” I guess she isn’t getting the post Women’s March emails to attend the “purposeless” marches that stopped the immigration bans and the “purposeless” town hall meetings that killed #RyanCare.

And just as an overall point, if you are going to write an article that complains how an entire women’s movement is not accepting you, shitting on the millions of people in the movement with snarky rhetorical questions will not endear yourself to them.  

Also, there were tons of pussy hat dissent – just FYI.

So, after reading this part, I assess that Cleta’s “No room for dissent” argument, seems to be frustration that there is, “no room for disingenuous rhetoric or sexual assault.”

After all of this, comes a brief bitching about millennial women, (I find millennial-bashing usually comes from women who are white and over 40, who rather than help millennials overcome modern day obstacles, have experienced disinterest by millennials when trying to cram their priorities down their throats), but I digress.

Moving on.

“All that a “movement” could responsibly achieve, has been achieved.”

That’s a wrap laaaadiies! Some women go to Harvard and run companies now, so this battle is won.

Does she not know a single black woman, brown woman or transgender woman? Does she not know MATH?

How can you say we have achieved all we can achieve when 35 percent of single women with families live at the poverty line?

Yeah, Cleta is right about one thing- the women’s movement I belong to, has “No room for dissent” when it comes to thinking a third of families living in poverty constitutes, “All that a “movement”’ could responsibly achieve, has been achieved.

Not only is that laughable, it is shameful, which brings us to the real REASON SHE WROTE THIS PIECE.

“The ugly truth is that the women’s movement has morphed into a giant abortion-rights lobby, demanding abortion far beyond the Roe v. Wade trimester construct.”

I wish. We actually need an even bigger focus on abortion rights because politicians all over the country are peddling the same garbage science she pushes in the next sentence.  

“For someone like me, who has done a lot of soul-searching over the years, ultimately coming to believe that life begins at conception, I’m no longer welcome in the women’s movement.”


Medical choices for anyone other than YOURSELF are not found in YOUR “soul,” they are found in scientific research. Please search there for the rest of us.

“Conception” is not a medical term, it is a religious one. It also leaves out a crucial SCIENTIFIC FACT, that your “conception” i.e. fertilized egg, needs 72 hours to implant itself into the uterus. THAT is a pregnancy. Here are actual facts about how pregnancy works in cartoon form, with a lesbian birth control pill singing about it. I think you’ll find it helpful. Wait, you’ll probably deny it rights, but maybe you’ll enjoy the football analogy. Go Sooners!

“Being a feminist in 2017 equals zero tolerance for pro-life views.”

Wrong. You can totally have those views and be a feminist, but you can’t be a feminist and actively promote legislation or fake science that would erode other women’s access to full autonomy.

Doesn’t lying get tiring? Guess not.

Speaking of lying, I assume the NYT has fact checkers, so this sheer volume of inaccuracies that are just lounging around on floaties all over the page was really infuriating. But then my annoyance turned to full blown rage when I started reading an AK-47 spray of feminist blaming for the horrors of Kermit Gosnell, the hideous monster who preyed upon pregnant women who needed an abortion and had no safe, affordable place to turn.

“Feminists did not spread the word about Dr. Gosnell or demand investigations to ensure his evil wasn’t being practiced elsewhere.”

This is the most volatile statement of the article. To promote the idea that all abortion providers and activists stood by without reporting Gosnell to authorities is about as disingenuous as it gets. To even compare the kind-hearted providers and the clinics they run (and I have visited nearly 100 of them) to the monster that is Gosnell, shows that Cleta is more interested in a dishonest promotion of her agenda than ever having “dissenting views” on abortion. Kermit Gosnell is a murderer who was allowed to exist because extremists created more and more abortion restrictions. As safe abortion became less accessible, it created a climate for a vulture like Gosnell to prey upon vulnerable people desperate for abortion services.

IMPORTANT REMINDER: You cannot legislate abortion away, you only create horrifying circumstances that put women’s lives in danger.

Full stop.

Trial transcripts and clinicians who had to treat Gosnell patients tell the story of reporting his atrocities over and over with no response from the state.

Cleta also conveniently leaves out of her narrative, how the anti abortion extremists ignored Gosnell and instead, used him as a political football rather than showing concern for the women and babies who died. Let’s be clear-  because of the anti choice movements’ dangerous laws and scary tactics, women were driven from safe providers to Gosnell.

And as far as the accusation about the lack of media coverage of Gosnell vs coverage of Todd Akin and his science-free claims that women have special powers to deactivate rape sperm, you claimed,

Such is the double standard from the abortion-rights mainstream media.” you just chose to omit ONE VERY IMPORTANT FACT- NO ONE was covering it.

Wow this women’s movement is just a caldron of intolerance. It’s just astounding to Cleta, that there is zero tolerance for “dissenting views” like omitting and promoting hateful rhetoric and then creating a false narrative around it that blames feminism. Feminism is just the worst! We won’t let a single gay-hating, gun purist who wants politicians to decide how many babies we’ll have into our club. And she has an example:

The “feminist club” tolerates no such independent views. In fact, there’s a special feminist seething against such women who rise to public prominence. Think Kellyanne Conway.

Think. Kelly. Anne. Conway.

Ok. What I “think” is why da fuq would a legitimate woman’s movement, support the views of Kellyanne Conway, former spokesperson for aforementioned legitimate creep TODD AKIN, who promoted legitimate rape. Plus there was her whole “Barack Obama is secretly recording people from their microwaves” thing that seemed kinda sketch.  

And what good rant against modern feminism would be complete without the some made-up transphobic bathroom hysteria?

“The vestiges of a once proud women’s movement have deteriorated into a new politically correct tyranny where women are subjected to the presence of men in places that should be safe and should protect women’s privacy, like restrooms, all in the name of “equality.””

Honey, transgender people want what we all want in a restroom- a seat that isn’t covered with pee and to never make eye contact with the likes of you.

So to finish, she ties it all into one big hypocrisy bow,

But the greatest protections against female poverty are girls’ finishing high school, getting full-time jobs and not having babies out of wedlock.

And yet you promote every single policy that would prevent all of those things from happening.

I needed to write this breakdown because Cleta has spent the last 25 years tirelessly fighting to repeal every gain, and every protection that has been made for women. At every turn in this article, the “dissenting opinions” she defends have created laws that destroy the lives of women and families.

So I for one am very happy that this women’s movement is not inclusive of beliefs that promote making the world harder for women. I am proud to prioritize abortion rights and all reproductive rights and justice issues because simply put, if your movement is really about women’s rights as human rights, an integral part, if not the very basis of it should be fighting for access to everything that gives us our full equality and humanity. And that starts with the freedom to choose who you love and when and if you want to have a family.

So three cheers for this women’s movement! It draws a line at welcoming dangerous, harmful bullshit, masked as “dissenting opinions” just because a woman spews it.



Meddling Vows in Iowa

There’s an old adage they have in Iowa: If at first you don’t succeed, try try try again (to regulate women’s bodies and take away their right to make medical decisions for themselves).

That’s right, all in one week, Iowa republicans have outdone themselves and served up a bill that basically bans all abortions, and another that bans abortions at 20 weeks and gives parents say over their unmarried adult children’s bodies.


After only ONE DAY, The Hawkeye State republicans backtracked on their fetal heartbeat 6-week ban. Not because they think it’s insane (which it is) but because of the all the legal fees they are sure to rack up defending this pile of steaming shit in court. They instead decided to propose a 20-week abortion ban, which has been the ban de rigueur among anti-choice connoisseurs. This ban includes an exemption for the health of the mother, but does NOT include exemptions for incest, rape or fetal anomalies.

Slow. Shitty. Clap.

Hidden in this gem of a bill is a provision that gives parents the power to veto their ADULT kid’s decision to have an abortion if they are unwed.

As you can see, the fun thing about this bill is that it provides us a metaphorical time machine to the 1800’s when ankles were salacious and women were….nothing?  Here’s how it sounds in 2017 Republican speak in the bill: “injunctive relief to prevent a physician from performing abortions” may be obtained “by a parent or guardian of the woman if the woman is less than eighteen years of age or unmarried at the time the abortion was performed or attempted to be performed.”

So in Iowa, if you haven’t tied the knot, you are definitely NOT capable of making the decision to have an abortion. Because how can a woman ever make the right decisions without her husband or parents to advise? “OH DEAR. I’m pregnant? Pass me a fainting couch and vapors, how will my tiny brain and brittle lady bones ever make a decision on what to do next?”

Clearly Iowa Republicans have one goal in mind: To take away bodily autonomy. If one bill fails, they just continue to go down their diabolical list of ways to do it. Let’s hope they fail, the list burns, or they get lost in a corn maze where no one can hear them scream.

Arch Enemies

Don’t let the red seas swamp the blue islands!

Those inland seas of Trump red on electoral maps are dotted with placid blue islands. Even in the reddest states, cities and urban areas tend to be refuges of sanity. They pass progressive laws to reflect the wishes and values of their residents. And then the red seas rise up in the form of conservative state legislatures and try to wash those progressive laws away.

Nutcase in point–The state of Missouri is trying to overturn a law in St. Louis that enacts protection from workplace discrimination if they’ve had an abortion, take contraception, use artificial insemination, or (heavens to Betsy!) get pregnant out of wedlock.

Conservative Missouri lawmakers say that protecting people from these types of discrimination infringes on the rights of others… to discriminate, evidently. The City of St. Louis excluded religious organizations from the law, but that’s not enough for the Red Menace. They say the law infringes on the rights of “crisis pregnancy centers” to discriminate against those who believe in abortion rights (as though anyone who does would want to work for one of those FRAUD CENTERS!

LPJL told you earlier this week about the CPC’s and their phony come-ons to vulnerable women. They prey on people who are seeking information about abortion services to shame and berate them out of making their own choices. Missouri’s new law (to overturn the St. Louis anti-discrimination law) would prohibit local governments from restricting the “rights” of such places to mislead and mistreat those seeking abortion information.

In other words–even if you live in a sane city in a red state, the law says you have to be as crazy as everybody else in the state!

The Missouri bill is HB 174. It heads next to the Missouri Senate, and then on to the desk of Governor Eric Greitins, who has already told St. Louis that he won’t allow any “abortion sanctuary city” in Missouri. Join with LPJL in our fight to keep the Red Tide from swamping us all.