In the Realm of the Senseless

Over half of the people who can get pregnant live in states with abortion laws that fly in the face of science. That’s right–if you’re a person of childbearing age, there’s a 53% chance you live in a state with intentionally idiotic laws telling you what you can or can’t do with your body.

That’s just one of the mind-fuck statistics in a new report from the Guttmacher Institute. The study found TEN (count ‘em–10!) categories of abortion restrictions that have ZERO basis in science.

Not to mention common sense. Or common decency.

They broke these shit-show laws (not their term) into three categories: TRAP laws designed to shut clinics down with bogus “safety” rules, useless and hypocritical laws that require waiting periods and/or mandatory counseling before a person can have an abortion, and phony “fetal pain” laws that contradict all the actual medical science on the subject.

Over half of the uterus havens in America live in states that have at least two of these scientifically bogus abortion restrictions. 30% live in states that have five or more of the Terrible Ten!

And–NO SURPRISE–the lowest circle of Reproductive Rights Hell is reserved for those who live in Texas or Kansas. Both states have eight of the ten anti-science laws–AND they both have another two of the laws currently being blocked by a court order. That means Texas and Kansas both have ALL 10 scientifically bogus laws! Two-way tie for last!

Many of these laws don’t just ignore science, they gleefully contradict it. Six states require that anyone seeking an abortion be told that abortion has serious mental health consequences, something that’s been disproven by countless studies.

It’s no surprise that abortion laws in so many states are witches’ brews of lies and misinformation. As the Guttmacher report points out, we live under a presidential administration that Trumpets “alternative facts.” The official spokesperson for the Department of Health and Human Services is a woman who claims against all evidence that abortion causes breast cancer, IUD’s have “life-ending properties,” and birth control doesn’t reduce the number of abortions.

You can’t make this shit up. But they keep on doing just that.

Fact Check PLEASE!

Today the New York Times, once again, prints another shamey abortion piece in an Op-Ed piece titled, “The Problem with Linking Abortion and Economics.

The problem with this “piece,” is….EVERYTHING!!

It’s written by a privileged AF (*clears throat* how do I stress that more?) PRIVILEGED AS FUCK white woman named Lori Szala. The entire premise of her op-ed is that because her pregnancy experience didn’t affect her economically, it’s not an economic issue. The piece seems to have gone completely unchecked, and is filled with so much misinformation; not to mention shame, it feels like you’re reading The Medieval Times instead of The New York Times. First off- Lori isn’t up front about what she does for a living. HINT: She runs a shitty anti-choice outfit that lies to women about the safety of abortion. These people always hide that from everyone. Let me enlighten you.

Lori is the national director of client services for an organization called the Human Coalition. Their mission is trying to end abortion and they refer to it as “…the worst holocaust in human history,” They operate unregulated FAKE CLINICS that lie to women about abortion and pregnancy, and run online campaigns that also present false information to those seeking abortions. They are professional liars. This is an important thing to note because these fake clinics, like Lori in this piece, hide behind a veil of “helping women” when in reality they are a religious-based, anti-choice organization that blatantly wants “to transform our culture of death into a culture of life—to end abortion in America”  This organization is so far gone and out of touch, they have NO BUSINESS in the lives of people seeking healthcare!

Now that you know she has no agenda here, let’s dive into the crux of Szalas piece – that abortion shouldn’t be connected to economics because “It reduces mothers and their children to mere economic objects, and amounts to saying we are justified in killing those who impede our economic progress.”

Ma’am – we’re all economic objects! Humans require money to pay for resources to continue living. How do you provide for yourself, Lori? Does money just grow out of your ass? Do you pay yourself with all the shits you take? CNN Money says you can expect to spend between 12-14K a year to raise a child. Do you think a person with multiple children, when faced with an additional unplanned pregnancy, doesn’t consider it to be a HUGE ECONOMIC ISSUE? And don’t get me started on the fact that Garbage Man Trump cut $200 million in funding to WIC, an organization that supports low income families. Why do you think 61% of women who have abortions already have a child? Unlike you, I’ll let them answer. They say because they can’t afford another. But we should just ignore them and listen to you because your experience negates actual research.


But it’s when she inserts her own unplanned pregnancy story as some sort of catch-all abortion experience, she erases the experiences of thousands of people and that is the biggest flaw in this piece. She writes of coming from a single family home and was “pressured” by her community to abort. So she made an appointment at a clinic and asked a friend to drive her. She changed her mind and decided to have the baby, all while receiving tutoring to finish high school. She then had the help of her sister to watch her baby while she attended college and “worked her way up the ladder at an investment firm, married, and had two more children.” WOW. Lori makes so many assumptions here, I can only assume she proudly claims to be in the 53% of white women who voted chester cheeto into the White House.

Lori, allow me to hold up a mirror for you, so you can see just how privileged you are. Not everyone has a support system or a community like you to ask advice about an unplanned pregnancy. A lot of people don’t have access to special tutoring after dropping out of high school, let alone, access to a good high school in the first place! You’re assuming that everyone is close to a clinic and has someone to drive them to their appointment. Some women are forced to travel across state lines and miss work for abortion care! Your sister watched your child while you got your college degree! You don’t see the economics of abortion because, while yes I’m sure you had your struggles, you had the support system along the way to help you continue your economic growth!

You talk about helping women… well guess what Lori, women don’t want your shamey stigma- ridden help. They want to access a perfectly legal form of healthcare without you and your cronies pushing beliefs in their face like a gross aunt forcing you to try her gelatinous fruit bowl.

People want to get an abortion and continue about their day. Ninety percent of women express relief after their abortion. NINETY PERCENT!

Oh and another thing! Shame on you New York Times! Shame on you for giving a person that lies to women about their choices, a platform to continue spreading dangerous bs. Why did you give Lori Szala, someone with zero experience working in social economics, any clout to share her opinion on economics? Had you googled her, or facts on abortion you would have learned all of this!

So here’s your fact check, 100% gratuity has been added to clean up your bullshit.

Revenge of the Turds

The Flyover States are striking back!

The “health care plan” from the House Republicans/Trump Administration/Loins of Satan will be a bluster-fuck for abortion rights across the board–from defunding Planned Parenthood to torpedoing abortion coverage under virtually any circumstances.

But hidden in the diabolical web of denied coverage for preexisting conditions, evisceration of Medicaid, and blanket rejection of abortion rights, is a provision so insidious that it must have come to Paul Ryan during a butt-kissing ceremony with the Dark Lord himself.

The provisions in the bill that deny abortion coverage will also end up leaving millions of residents of New York and California without subsidies or tax credits to help pay for their health insurance.

Here’s how it hurts: Both New York and California–in righteous defiance of the Red State rush to strike down abortion rights–have laws that mandate abortion coverage for all individual health plans sold in the states. BUT the new American Health Care Act (AHCA) denies federal subsidies from being applied to any plans that cover abortion, i.e. ALL individual plans in NY & CA.

So ANYONE buying an individual health plan in New York or California will have to pay thousands more for their health insurance than someone in any other state. Sprinkle THAT on your quinoa and kale salad, lib-tards!

It’s pure EVIL GENIUS! They’re punishing anyone with the gall to live in a state that treats humans…. like human beings!

Republicans have been crowing about how this healthcare bill from Hell will “give the states more choices.” Well, yes, as long as that choice is to screw diabetics out of coverage for preexisting conditions. But if a state wants to provide coverage for a constitutionally protected medical procedure… well they can shove it up their ass next time they get a gravity colonic at the holistic health center.

Northern Lowlight

Somebody in Alaska needs to CHILL OUT.

Alaska state Rep. David Eastman is a cold-hearted DICKFROST who inserted a chilling message into a positive resolution meant to support many people 

A bill moving through the Alaska House was intended to raise awareness about sexual assault and child abuse. … until Eastman FORCIBLY INSERTED an amendment calling abortion “the ultimate form of child abuse.” Cold, dude.

Suddenly a piece of totally non-controversial, feel-good legislation had a big feel-bad turd dropped into it. Rep. Eastman NO-DICK had to make it all about abortion–and all about about him. Alaska has problems with very high rates of sexual assault. And now the fate of a resolution meant to support victims is in jeopardy. It may die in committee now, or attempts may be made to strip Eastman’s amendment on the floor.

So who is this PERMA-DOUCHE? Eastman is a anti-choice crusader who has called abortion “an assault on motherhood.” He thinks that Alaska’s requirement that the state must fund medically necessary abortions for Medicare recipients has spawned some sort of Abortion Club Med:

“We have folks who try to get pregnant in this state so that they can get a free trip to the city, and we have folks who want to carry their baby past the point of being able to have an abortion in this state so that they can have a free trip to Seattle.”

And it seems Rep. SnowWhite doesn’t much like the more diverse colors in the land of the Northern Lights. He was the ONLY  member of the entire Alaska legislature to vote against a bill honoring black soldiers who worked on the Alaska Highway during World War II under conditions much harsher than white soldiers!

He was also the ONLY vote against a bill honoring Hmong and Lao veterans of the Vietnam War, and the ONLY lawmaker to oppose the nomination of the first Alaska Native as House speaker. Hmmmm….

Oh, and of course, he’s from Wasilla–the spawning grounds of Abominable Snow Monsters. Help support Lady Parts Justice League as we call out Big Dipshits like Rep. David Eastman.7



It seems that the majority of the members of the Senate must have all missed class on the same day. That was the day they were supposed to learn what the word UNCONSTITUTIONAL meant.

The Tennessee Senate just passed an upgraded shitty 20-week abortion ban with some additional crap nuggets inserted for the lucky handmaids of the ‘volunteer state.’ The people that are targeted in this bill are the worst sinners of them all: people with high risk pregnancies (GASP).  So it looks like we have to say this everyday: Abortions after 20 weeks are rare – they accounted for about 1.3 percent of all abortions in 2009. People who seek them usually do so because something has gone terribly wrong with the pregnancy. Well, these people are shit out of luck in Tennessee because there is NO EXCEPTION for fetal abnormalities (or incest, rape, or mental health). If passed, someone who finds out that they have a pregnancy with a FATAL fetal abnormality, they are forced to give birth anyway.

Oh and if you want that post 20-week abortion you reaaaally gotta show it, because this bill also makes you visit two separate doctors to confirm that your fetus is not viable before you can get one. You don’t just need a second opinion in Tennessee, you need an entire state government’s opinion too.

We have Sen. Joey Hensley, R-Hohenwald to thank for sponsoring this (let’s say it together Senators), UNCONSTITUTIONAL bill. Hensley’s claim to fame is for also sponsoring the “Don’t Say Gay” bill back in 2012, which would have banned public school teachers from mentioning that homosexuality exists. Or maybe his claim to fame is how he allegedly had an affair with his co-worker/nurse/second cousin and prescribed her opioids? With so many claims, will we ever know?

This new bill still has to pass through the House and lawmakers are still not in agreeance as to whether it would survive in a court battle. Janice Bowling, R-Tullahoma claims that “They are voting for the babies that cannot speak for themselves.” Well Janice, the vote SHOULD BE for the people of Tennessee seeking reproductive healthcare with their bodily autonomy intact.

Tennessee lawmakers, get it together and for your gods sake, go back to school.

Dysfunctional Family Affair

WTF, Missouri?

The “Show Me State” seems determined to show the world that it’s a major douche balloon.

In just the past few weeks, we’ve told you about Missouri trying to overturn a St. Louis ordinance that provides protection from workplace discrimination for those who have had an abortion, take contraception, use artificial insemination, or get pregnant out of wedlock.

Hot on the shit-heels of that, Missouri Senator Bob Onder wanted to change the name of the St. Louis Zoo to the “Midwest Abortion Sanctuary City Zoo.” He also suggested that women should get their abortions at the zoo.

Yo! Big MO! We’ve got 50 states full of anti-choice dick-weeds. We can’t be covering them all if you’re coughing up a hairball o’ misogyny every few minutes.

So what’s the latest from the “Blow Me State”? The Missouri House trying to pass (PUSH! PUSH!) a bill that would–wait for it–require a parent consenting to a minor’s abortion to notify the second parent or legal guardian of the minor’s plans to terminate a pregnancy.

For those of you who don’t speak ass-clown, what that means is that Missouri wants to stretch the concept of parental consent until an abortion for a pregnant minor becomes A FUCKING FAMILY AFFAIR. Are we going to have a voice vote or a roll call!?!

Needless to say, the families who will be deciding the fate of their unfortunate daughters will not always be Ozzie and Fucking Harriet. As the Houston Herald reported “Democrats said the amendment could allow abusive parents to be notified of an abortion, which could potentially put young women in danger.” YA THINK?

As the Herald noted, “Supporters of the amendment said it could help start conversations in families….” Yes. And some of those conversations will end with restraining orders.

GOP Rep. Rick Brattin said “I think we’ve got to do things that ensure that all parties have a vested interest in this life-ending, life-changing decision.” ALL PARTIES!?! The only one that matters is the person hosting this particular “party.”

It’s a pregnancy, not an infrastructure bill. Ultimately, the decision has to be made by the person who is pregnant–not their extended family, and surely not the Missouri House.

Thieves on the Right

SHOCKER! It turns out that a group whose only function is to deceive pregnant people is also scamming state taxpayers.

The scammers are a “pro-life” (*cough* anti-choice) bunch called “Real Alternatives,” and scammees are the people of Pennsylvania. Real Alternatives has managed to rip them off almost a million dollars… of money that conservative PA politicians were throwing at Real Alternatives to fund their lies to pregnant people. Oh, and now the thieves are suing the state!

How did this shit-swirl start? Real Alternatives is an organization behind a bunch of CPC’s, Crisis Pregnancy Centers – fake clinics that masquerade as abortion providers so that they can lure in women who are seeking abortion services and lie and intimidate them out of it. Shitty yes, but shittier still is the fact that dozens of states actually pay CPC’s to perpetrate this fraud. Pennsylvania is one of them.

And it seems that Real Alternatives wasn’t satisfied with that scam–now they’re accused of skimming the money that PA was dumb enough to give them. Pennsylvania Auditor General Eugene DePasquale says the group was using a 3 percent fee on subcontractors and some shady accounting to skim state funds–about $906,000 of the more than $30 million that Pennsylvania is giving them in a five-year contract.

Get this–when state officials asked Real Alternatives to open their books for an audit of the public funds that they had been entrusted with, the assholes sued the state to prevent the audit! DePasquale said “The idea that any organization receiving public funds would hide behind the courts to keep taxpayers in the dark makes my blood boil,” adding that this is the only time he’s ever been sued for conducting an audit.

Now there’s a petition demanding that Pennsylvania cut its ties with these scamsters. The $30 million grant from PA’s Department of Human Services expires on June 30, 2017. Sign the petition and put an end to what the State Auditor calls “Real Alternatives’ illegal and secretive skimming of public tax dollars.”

It should be no shock that the people who occupy your uterus also want to get into your wallet!

Spring Down For What?

Ah, Spring! A time of rebirth, baby bunnies, and change.

Monday afternoon, most normal Minnesotans celebrated a classic rite of spring, watching the ice recede from the shores of one of their 10,000 lakes. Minnesota extremists on the other hand, indulged in their fav seasonal pastime- planting the seeds of horrifying  healthcare laws for poor women.

Here is the garbage bounty they hope will flourish.

HF 809 – a bill that would prohibit the use of Medical Assistance or MinnesotaCare to help cover abortion, specifically targeting low income people and people of color

HF 812 – a TRAP law that would enforce strict, unnecessary regulations on abortion clinics, causing immediate shutdowns on perfectly safe Minnesota health facilities

There are already 32 states that prohibit the use of state funds for abortion and 11 states that restrict the use of private insurance plans to cover abortion, giving their communities the chance to try out special abortion insurance. This side policy covers unintended pregnancies that stem from rape or incest, obviously the only two things that lead to an unintended pregnancy.  

Rep. Mary Franson, R-Alexandria, sponsored HF-809 saying, “my constituents and I do not feel we should be paying to end the life of an unborn child.” Franson went on to say she would rather see a larger push to help fund adoption services, which she said are often, “..out of reach for low-income Minnesota residents.” W-U-T?

Following Franson Logicwe would make laws that force SOME low income women to bring pregnancies to term despite their economic hardship, which would force them to give those children up for adoption. Then Franson Logic says enact OTHER laws that would make it more accessible for DIFFERENT low income women to adopt the children the aforementioned low income women were forced to give up!

Now of course, low income people should have greater access to adoption, but that opportunity should not be coming from other low income woman creating the demand!

These are just some of the gaping holes in Fransson Logic

She simply does not understand the fundamental human right that a person can’t have equality unless all reproductive options are ACTUALLY ECONOMICALLY AVAILABLE.  Economic justice means access to safe and affordable abortion, access to adoption services, and access to affordable maternity care and supplemental support to raise a child.

168 anti-choice bills have been introduced just THIS YEAR, and it’s not even swimsuit season! The cheeto-in-chief recently gave states the option to withhold funding to organizations that offer abortion. AND after he suggested that people who need abortion can just *go to another state* if Roe v Wade gets overturned, Alabama said “not it!” and passed legislation that will make abortion totally illegal if that happens.

Minnesota Democratic Governor, Mark Dayton has a history of vetoing anti-choice legislation and has committed to continuing to do so, but right now he’s the only thing stopping this shit from going through. With Governor Dayton leaving office in 2018, Minnesota could become another anti-choice battle ground as these insane bills continue coming in.

So pay attention and stay active or Minnesota could wind up being the land of 10,000 abortion restrictions.